My front porch, driveway and every path I’ll take to work tomorrow will be covered in snow and about a 1/2 of ice. Considering that I will surely slip and die walking to the train tomorrow, it will be nice to go out with a win versus Duke and Coach Rat Face.
8:57 PM – Why does ESPN do this every time? Start a game at 7 PM and expect it to magically be over by 9 PM? This game will inevitably run over. It’s the Big Least. Who cares?
8:59 PM – Wow, I was wrong already. 8:59 and it’s over.
9:00 PM – Awesome. Someone in the stands had a picture of Singler that looked like a zombie. In other words, they had an undoctored picture of Kyle Singler.
9:02 PM – Pregame? Who needs it. I’d rather watch Syracuse’s coach talk about how much he looks like the dad from ALF.
Separated at birth?
9:08 PM – OK, let’s go!!!!!
9:10 PM – What a corn-fed moron. Shot clock running down and he tries to dunk it. I thought Duke kids were supposed to be smart.
9:11 PM – Coach Rat Face must be going crazy with all these cheese-colored jerseys on the court.
9:13 PM – Jesus Christ, these announcers love Vile Singler. I expect to see a Sunday night Hallmark movie on CBS called, “Singler Makes My Prostate Sing” starring Jay Bilas.
9:15 PM – Duke just turned the ball over 3 different ways that last possession, but somehow they still scored. Goat fuck!
9:20 PM – Holy shit what a terrible foul call. Justice! He missed the Free Throw.
9:22 PM – Kelly for the Blue Balls missed that 3 pointer worse than Stevie Wonder at darts.
9:25 PM – I can’t take this Vile Singler love. How many times can they say that they want to lick a person’s taint in one night?
9:27 PM – I’m on almost no sleep, spent the day shoveling in pouring, freezing rain, and am drinking the first mixed drink I’ve had in six months. THis blog is going to go downhill fast…..vulture sperm. See? I don’t even know where that came from.
9:29 PM – Fuck Singler. He looks like that British guy from 28 Days Later if he’d actually been bitten by one of the zombies.
9:30 PM – Luckiest, dick-lickiest team ever. They are getting every roll. Even the ones on Coach K’s wife’s FUPA.
9:32 PM – Down six now. We are teetering more than Jay Bilas’ manhood.
9:38 PM – Duke is not that good. Not saying they won’t beat us, but they are terrible. Measuring skill against us is like measuring your height against a proton, but still.
9:39 PM – Stoughlin sucks. I’m sorry people, but he is a moron. I guarantee that if he is ever interviewed, he’ll only ever say, “I like me some French Fried per-taters. Mmm hmm.”
9:41 PM – FUck me. Here comes the rage. Down 10…..
9:45 PM – I hate my fucking sports jinx. I fucking loathe it more than anything. I would rather give Sarah Palin a piggy-back ride to one of her Klan meetings than to watch every one of my sac-master, cocksmith teams eat proverbial hobo ass night in and night out. Goddamn it. Down 15. Awesome. Nats suck, Skins suck, Terps suck, Caps suck. The sports gods must think I like the Wizards too, because even they suck. I’m sure the WNBA must be out of business by now but I bet even D.C.’s team would suck. I couldn’t even win with the political team I root for in D.C. Fuck me. I swear I’ve never killed a nun or raped an angel, so why the fuck do my teams suck so bad. Yes, I know the Redskins won 3 Super Bowls, but I still had hair at that point for Christ’s sake. I barely even remember it. Fuck.
9:50 PM – New plan. I’m going to drink myself blind and then take a hammer to the speakers on my TV. Then I won’t have to watch or hear this shit ever again. Wait, I probably should hammer the speakers before I’m blind…..nahh fuck it. I’ll take my chances.
9:52 PM – FIST ME
9:54 PM – Fucking bullshit. No way that was a foul on Williams.
9:55 PM – Typical Maryland. Start to build the SLIGHTEST bit of momentum and then we just throw the ball out of bounds…..except somehow they gave the ball to us. O…..K……
9:59 Pm – Did Jay Bilas REALLY just say that in defending a foul called on us? “Well, he got all ball, but his hand was on his back.” Whoooooooooooooo cares! This isn’t the NFL you dried sperm snorting waste of air. That was NOT a foul!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
10:03 PM – Halftime break to gather some kerosene so that I can burn my house down if we ….well, either way.
10:41 PM – Back to down 7….not getting my hopes up, unless College Park moved outside the Beltway since I’ve been there.
10:42 PM – Holy fucking cheating lucky cocks. That should have been a basket and one…..fuck a platypus.
10:44 PM – Boo-ey. You fucking idiot. What a terrible 3 to take. You prostate explorer.
10:45 PM – This game is officially rigged. FUcking horseshit call on us at the other end. These officials are full of fucking shit and Duke alumni bribes. ANd cum.
10:50 PM – FOUR. 4 fucking calls in a row against us. All of them questionable at best. Something is amiss.
10:51 PM – I seriously think our players missed the meeting where they covered 3-pointers. We don’t shoot them and can’t defend them. When they pull up to shoot a 3, our players look at them as if they started reciting a porn script in Sumarian. They have no idea what is happening.
10:53 PM – Well, we’ve officially given up. Me too. Fuck it. I hope some Tri Delt gives them all herpes.