Ok, here we go. Please God let’s get the season off to a great start…
5:40 – Sigh. 3-0 before I could type the first sentence.
5:43 – It is embarrassing how empty our stands are. Was there some kind of natural disaster that happened in College Park?
5:44 – Timeout. Why, oh why, do we break out those mustard-colored uniforms? We look like a hot dog with jaundice. But, I think we used them to beat UNC last year, so if it brings us luck, I’ll wear mustard-colored panties.
5:55 – Can anyone explain to me why Grievous can’t make an open shot? Fuck me with an iron.
6:00 – Where did this team come from? Wooooo! Let’s go Maryland.
6:08 – Anyone see that creepy commercial about Myrtle Beach that was two inches from that guy’s face? Who vacations at Myrtle Beach? Their “beach” looks and feels like a cement sidewalk. It’s like calling the Beltway a beach.
6:29 – Since this is going so well, maybe I should complain about something else. What in the world is wrong with NBC? Conan always has and always will be a better host than Leno. Besides, Conan mentioned my conference on national television!
Mike's Sports Rage 
Mike, love the work you’re doing, especially in your ability to combine normally harmless words into filthy ones, i.e.: facialbait. Keep up the good work.