6:32 – So, this week my friend emailed me to tell me some random person posted a link to my blog on one of the Washington Post forums. I was honored. That is, until I noticed that the poster’s handle was “Hugh G Rection.” Good work.
So, here we go. I guess you could consider this an expansion to my usual rage-rants. I fully expect the Caps to do well in the postseason and it might be hard to bring the funny this time, as I might not be in full-on rage. But, this is a D.C. sports team, so I fully expect a blimp to crash into the Verizon Center and only kill our players.
I think I’ll start off by fucking with the CanadiAns. That’s right…FUCK your E. No one says Americens and these aren’t the Cepitels. Use “a’s” you French yak sacs! Also, what kind of asshole team has two names? The Habs. When I first heard that years ago (after I realized there were French people who actually played a sport other than fencing) I actually had to look it up. Habitants. Even dumber. Wow. You LIVE in the city you are named after? How cool. From now on, I’m going to name my nuts the Indigs. It stands for the Indigenous Testicles. But, I like to shorten it to the Indigs.
So, fuck the Montrael CenediAns. I like this guy: http://ihatemontrealcanadiens.blogspot.com/
One last thing. This is their ACTUAL mascot. Called Youppi. Fitting, since it looks like You Pee-Pee’d and a ginger came out.
I am Ginger Yeti!
7:00 – I am so psyched for this. RAHHHHHH!
7:12 – Power Play! Figures that it’s for hooking. Just like a Montreal player to moonlight as a hooker.
7:14 – Um….Tripping!!! Hello!?!? Stevie Wonder is in the zebra stripes tonight apparently.
7:19 – fucking Buddha balls. Laich misses an open net and then we take a penalty. Ugh. I hate not being in DC for this. No home announcers, just the 4th tier guy from Fox NFL Sunday calling this game. At least it isn’t Kenny “Corky” Albert.
7:31 – Uh oh! Chimera barely touched someone by the boards! Sure hope he doesn’t get an Ovechkin suspension for 3 games.
7:35 – FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
7:36 – The Versus color guy hit the nail on the goddamn head. I am so fucking sick of our penalty killers getting the puck and dancing with it in our own zone like it’s Dancing with the Stars. It’s the playoffs asshole. If you get the puck, smash that thing like you are Lennie from Of Mice and Men.
7:40 – No way that the KFC “double down” sells. Unless they allow motor scooters for the morbidly obese at the drive thru.
7:42 – GOOOOOAALLLLLL
7:56 – Ok, time to refresh the beers.
8:10 – I give Montreal another 5 minutes before the stay true to the French in French Canadian and they surrender.
8:14 – That shot from Backstrom broke 18 laws of physics when it bounced off the ice and did NOT go in. Unbelievable. Like Randy Johnson and a fucking pigeon unbelievable.
8:23 – Invasion of the body snatchers has officially happened. Who is that wearing Theodore’s jersey?!?? Awesome saves!
8:35 – Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve held eggs more tightly than what Korvo did and he was called for holding. Hold THIS!!!! Agghhhh!
9:08 – FUCKING Schultz!!!! What a fucking ass spelunking, dick-hugging ball shit. Fuck me in the pooooooper.
9:10 – how the fuck did Halak stop that? I think she dropped her meat curtains.
9:20 – FYI, I need a name for Jeff Schultz. Any suggestions? Please post in the comments below. Something along the lines of Millbourne -> Stillborn on the Terps.
9:30 – When this playoff “beard” grows in, it is going to be gray.
9:47 – I am so sick of seeing that collagen-lipped Sidney Crysby holding the Cup. I seriously would have rather had the Islamabad Bin-Ladens win the Cup last year.
10:15 – I could puke. Our achilles heel kills us again….Schultz and Korvo. I can’t believe we traded FOR Korvo.
Mike's Sports Rage 