Monthly Archives: September 2010

September 19, 2010 · 12:00 pm

Week 2: Houston Butt-Sexans vs. Redskins

12:59 PM – Bryon is in town this week. So while he hasn’t agreed to be a guest blogger, I will be posting some of his choice comments from the Lions and Eagles game. My blogging will follow later.

1:07 PM – Commentator: “Eagles are looking small on their push.” Bryon: “They are looking small between their legs.”

2:20 PM – Bryon: “I have an anti-boner right now.” (Lions, 17, Eagles, 7)

5:35 PM – Looking good! How can I rage about this? We look awesome. I almost had some blog gold at the end of the Eagles/Lions game. Oh well.

6:26 PM – and here we go. I will ass-pillage the zoo if we lose this game. I already had is 3-0 including beating the Ass-Rams next week.

6:28 PM – By the way, nice run LJ. this shit is going to give me a heart attack. he might as well come over and bludgeon me to death with the double ended dildo he surely keeps in his nightstand. Fuck

6:36 PM – Mother fuck a retarded goat!!!!! why not just run the fucking ball! you throw it, almost get it picked off and then time stays on the clock. Only to have the ass ahoy (autocorrected but funny enough to keep) FG blocked

6;55 Pm – Christ o mighty. I have never wanted to eat a razorblade cocktail like right now. fuck fuckiry butt fuckers

7:36 PM – unbelievable. Buddha scissor fuck me sideways

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September 12, 2010 · 5:49 pm

Week 1: Brokeback Mountain at Redskins

Jerry Jones even makes Urkel look straight.

6:40 PM – It has been a long time since I posted a rage stroke on here. I blame (I mean thank) my new baby girl, Hannah. She’s been a blessing and has kept me more mellow than normal. That, plus what is there to watch in the summer? Baseball? If I wanted to watch something that gay and shitty I would watch amateur gay scat porn.

6:45 PM – Even though I could just watch this game at home, I’ve decided to get some Boston Redskins fans together that I’ve found in some facebook groups and on the national Redskins website and meet up at a bar downtown. I figured being drunk and awake at midnight wouldn’t be enough for a productive day at work tomorrow, so I also added in a 45 minute train ride. On another note, thanks to Sunday Ticket, I got to watch Jason Campbell excel in Oakland. A fumble and an interception and he was on his back more often than the 14 year-old Korean boy that I am quite positive Tony Romo keeps locked in his cellar.

6:47 PM – I hope to have internet service in the bar so that I can update on the road, but if not I’ll make sure to do it first thing tomorrow morning while hungover.

8:10 PM – This bar is hurting. The kitchen closed at 8. What the fuck is this? Omaha? Wait, those fatties alway eat. Salt Lake City????

8:13 PM – Our jerseys look sweet. The gold looks good. Actual gold color not like the dick-pus yellow that Maryland basketball wears.

8:18 PM – This bar is jumping. Can you tell we won 4 games last year?

10:38 PM – I have been drinking. Beer. reed Doughty is a fucking pussy. I caught his last interaction on tape: Oh Puck I wost Mai guy huh woh!

11:13 PM – DeMartha Ware blew out her ovary. poor pussy.

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September 12, 2010 · 4:17 pm

1st Annual Beer Review

So, while it may seem hard to believe, someone with my Christian upbringing and polite language still enjoys an occasional beer (or 12).

This time of year liquor stores are flowing with pumpkin ales and oktoberfest beers.  I can never remember which one I like or have tried before, so I thought I’d finally taste a bunch and make a ruling.

Based on what these brewers classify as a pumpkin ale, pumpkin apparently tastes differently in every part of the world.  In some places, pumpkin tastes like what you’d get at Thanksgiving dinner with a slice of pumpkin pie.  In other places, like old well water that has been filtered through used Dr. Scholl’s.

So, here are my results of eight beers based on several criteria:

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Cost Aroma Appearance Pumpkin-ability
(1=Dog queef, 10=The Great Pumpkin)		 Crunkin-ability Result
Saranac Pumpkin Avg. Very slight pumpkin smell Dark and rich 9 5.4% Gold Medal – An overall great beer that tastes like the pumpkin you are used to.
Blue Moon Harvest Pumpkin Cheap Miller Lite (i.e. old balls) Light.  Like Miller lite. 5 5.7% Worst in Show – Used Miller Lite (i.e. piss) and cinnamon.
Shipyard Pumpkinhead Avg. Almost nothing, but some pumpkin Very light amber. 8 4.5% Bronze Medal – Was leading in the clubhouse for a while, and definitely
Sam Adams Pumpkin Ale Avg. Very light, but pleasant Solid amber color. 7 5.7% Honorable Mention – Pretty good beer in general, but not enough pumpkin to place.
Post Road Pumpkin Avg. Enticing; strong but not too much. Similar to Sam Adams 6 5.0% Middle of the pack – just boring.
St. Ambroise Citrouille Expensive Not pumpkiny.  Smells like hops. Also similar to Sam Adams. 8 5.0% Silver Medal – This is a great beer and it definitely tastes like real pumpkin smells.  The brewer took the pumpkin idea too literally.
Weyerbacher Imperial Pumpkin Ale Expensive Off.  Smells like metal, like Johnny 5 farted. Nice dark brown. 5 8.0% Meh – Good if you want to get drunk I guess.
Dogfish Head Punkin Ale Expensive Awful.  Used coffee filter from 1978? Appealing amber color. 2 7.0% Next to Last – Not a bad beer I guess, but it tastes like butter.  How in the fuck is that like pumpkin?

So, Saranac Pumpkin wins!  This is a limited release beer, so I’d better stock up.

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