11:09 AM – Well, most likely this is the last meaningful game we’ll play all season. When the inevitable happens, and we are doing 21-0 in the first five minutes, then I’ll be doing with ‘Skins rage posts this year and will move on to raging about the Terps and Caps. I wanted to start today on a bit of a tangent. It involves a Redskins player who may be the biggest asshole in the history of the organization. May I present to you, Princess Carla Rogers.
In case you missed this article, the problems the Redskins can’t win at home? The fans. We are too mean to Princess Carla’s itty bitty wittle team. Awww…poor thing? We may have even made him pee his Pull Up diapers. Here’s the real scoop you piece of wasted flesh and feces:
1) Words like “are” ARE your friends. This is fail: “When we home … I don’t know the problem.” or “Yes, they hard on us.” See Carla, the word “are” should have been added to those sentences. For example, see how stupid I sound when I say, “You the biggest cumslave in America.” Now, had I said, “You are the biggest cumslave in America.” perhaps I wouldn’t sound as stupid as you.
2) Fuck you.
3) You don’t like to hear swearing? What else would you expect the natural reaction to, for example, sitting in traffic on a weekday afternoon, going out into a freezing cold rainstorm, and then watching your team lose to a rival (led by a felon) by 1,000 points in the first quarter? I mean, how was rage shown in your household? When your parents found out they gave birth to the ugliest, shittiest, failure on the planet (you) what did they do? Did they not swear? Did they polka? They certainly didn’t teach you to catch fucking footballs. My next point…
4) Want us to not point our rage at you? CATCH A FUCKING BALL YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLE! Now, normally, I would also insert something here about you having herpes. However, you are so fucking bad that you couldn’t even catch herpes from your crack whore sister.
5) I know it is hard for you making millions for being born with athletic genes, but for us in the real world who had to get an education and work real jobs, when you rob us of what used to be three hours of singular joy in our weeks by sucking every asshole on the field, you are basically kidnapping our happiness. Kate watches the baby for 3 hours on Sunday so I can watch the game, but you walking scrotum ridges kidnap that freedom like Sarah Palin stealing baby seals. Fuck you!!!
Now, on to the game:
If we lose this game we are basically even mathematically eliminated. That is fair since the winner of the NFC West will probably finish the season 7-9. Awesome. Whatever. Eli will probably have the Vagiants up by 6 TDs in the first half. If not, then the Mayans were really bad at math, because doomsday will be upon us.
Be back at kickoff…
1:05 PM – Andd……here we go. Nice tackle 41 and McIntosh. 3 yard loss? NOPE! 27 yard gain. Rocky McIntosh is like the Rocky from Rocky 5. Old and useless.
1:09 PM – could our fucking defense be any worse? Just when you think that you have the worst passing defense in the history of sport, the Vagiants march down the field and run over us . JOKE TEAM
1:14 PM – Normally after a big run for the offense you are cheering for, if a ref calls a facemask, you’d be ecstatic. However, as a Redskins fan you OBVIOUSLY know that it would somehow be on the offense. Proved right yet again!
1:21 PM – How can Jim Haslett live with himself? If every program I tried at my job failed for 5 months straight, I am pretty sure I would quit and work somewhere else. Fuckity fuck.
1:28 PM – Mark it on your calendar folks. These assholes have officially given up. OOPS! Sorry if I offended you Princess Carla.
1:33 PM – We are fucking dumber than an inbred NASCAR fan standing in line for a Sarah Palin book signing. Down 14-0. Correct? Yes. Our defense hasn’t stopped a team in about 7 years right? Right. The Meadowlands has some of the most notoriously strong winds in the continental US? Yep. So, when down 14-0 with a 4th and 3, WHY IN THE NAME OF A HIPPO TAINT WOULD YOU TRY A GODDAMN FIELD GOAL?!!!! Go for it you fucking idiots. Fuck this. Fuck this. Fuck this.
1:37 PM – HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We got them to a 4th down. OMG they are punting. Now they are the dumbest team ever. They could have ran in the wrong direction and would have still gotten the first down against our shit-sniffers.
1:50 PM – I can’t take it. How does that fat fuck TE get that open? Are we blind too? We should change our name to the Washington Hellen Kellers. At least it wouldn’t be racist.
1:51 PM – We are just not any good. We look like a fucking high school team. If it was an all-girl school of paraplegics.
1:59 PM – Unbelievable. Look how many different ways we sucked ass on one play. A) we fumble after finally getting a first down B) although clearly a fumble, we challenge anyway. C) because we can’t even throw a challenge flag, London Fletcher kicks the ball and gets a delay of game. We are a colossal joke. We should have been given the Tonight Show, because we are much funnier than that hack Leno.
2:12 PM – 21-0. Two back-to-back blowouts against division rivals. You win Redskins. I give the fuck up.
2:48 PM – I can’t believe we are a pro team. Even our first round pick LT sucks. He’s been owned today. It doesn’t matter how good a player is, was, or will be. If he comes to the Redskins, he will turn into a crying pansy and ruin his career. We are cursed. My only hope for a team is a lockout next year that is so devastatingly long that the entire rosters of every NFL team are made null and void and we start over. Even then we’d probably suck. This is the curse of Jack Kent Cooke. What the fuck do you want Jack? I’m done with this team for this year. See you at a Terps game soon.
Mike's Sports Rage 