Maryland @ Duke

This will be on a brief tape delay as I had to put my baby down. She probably would have gone done earlier, but my dumb ass thought the game started at 9, not 8.

8:25 PM – Ok, I’m eccentric as anyone else in cheering for my team, but these Dukies have pushed the envelope from fringe to dork. It’s a fine line, but when you wear a penguins costume to the game and your mascot is an asphyxiated demon, then you are a dork. I guarantee there is a Star Trek: The Next Generation shirt underneath it.

8:28 PM – Thank goodness this isn’t on Raycum sports. They make sports look like a Russian rec league broadcast.

8:30 PM – That jumping has always been stupid. It looks like 2,000 people need to desperately take a shit.

8:31 PM – Fuck me in the goat ass. Grievous Vasquez is in the stands. The jinx is in!

8:32 PM – Singler looks like a blonde George Muresan.

8:33 PM – how the fuck did we let White Dumbo get that rebound?

8:35 PM – I wonder what would happen if Maryland could ever get a jump shooter? First, it would be so bizarre that it would probably rain godzilla sperm for a week also. Second, we’d probably go undefeated.

8:37 PM – Another MD game, another time shooting 8% in the first half.

8:39 PM – We own them with our offensive plays in the paint every time we play these losers. It is just whether or not we convert the opportunities.

8:40 PM – Refs shouldn’t be allowed to look like they are on the senior version of Dancing with the Stars when they call an “and 1” foul at home. That asshole just looked like he was trying to mount his most likely 400-lb wife from behind when he called that blocking foul.

8:41 PM – WE MADE A GODDAMN FREE THROW!!!! HOLY PIG SHIT!!!! TWO OF THEM!!!

8:43 PM – What, in the name of every kind of fuck, was that shot by Padgett. It looked like someone throwing a baseball at a milk jug in a carnival game. His new name is Midget.

8:44 PM – Wow. Coach K just made a rat face so surreal that all the actual rats watching this game just dropped their cheese in awe. He has to be part rat. How the fuck he didn’t get cast as Splinter in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie baffles me.

8:46 PM – Jesus Christ. We have more air balls than a gay airline.

8:48 PM – Where would we be without Jordin Williams? Holy shit. He is like the sixth grader who was the only one to hit puberty yet.

8:52 Pm – Holy fuck we got the lead. I don’t believe it. Clearly I am in a coma and don’t know it yet.

8:54 PM – It’s rainin’ J’s! Hallelujah it’s rainin’ J’s…ohhhh yeahhhh!

8:57 PM – My wife just took one look at Singler and called him a monster. 🙂

8:59 PM – Wow. I haven’t seen a three second violation since Coach K raped that sheep.

9:00 PM – Why do I love Gary? When a call doesn’t go his way, he looks like a drunk sailor stepping off of his barstool to kick someone’s ass. Every time.

9:02 PM – Halftime let me catch up live. Back in real time now.

9:11 PM – RAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9:15 PM – Duke is playing like shit at the moment. Old, goat shit.

9:18 PM – Fuck Singler. Even monster’s have their day once in a while. I’ve seen the Hunchback of Notre Dame,

920 PM – And…..the air balls are back…..of course they are. If they didn’t come back, this blog wouldn’t exist. So much for that lead….damn you Paul C.

9:24 PM – How the fuck did that ball not go in? Fuck my jinx.

9:25 PM – Duke, this isn’t the Mexican Futbol league. No diving allowed.

9:26 PM – And. Here. We. Go. We are about to go down like a hot air balloon with Coach K’s cheese stash inside it.

9:27 pM – Fuck. Fuckity fuck fucker.

9:29 PM – If that play before was not goaltending, then I am a size 1 hair model.

9:34 PM – I love missing free throws. Love it. I wish that could be my career, watching my team miss free throws all night.

9:35 PM – They showed Grievous again. That should be good for a 10-0 Duke run.

9:38 PM – Sigh. The Spigler Jinx is strong in this one.

9:40 PM – That 3 was bigger than my waistline.

9:45 PM – Please stop showing Grievous Vag-quez. Please.

9:51 PM – Sigh. That is probably ball game.