6:36 – In Game 1, I blogged. We lost. Games 2-4, no blogging and we won. After the Game 5 debacle, I assume the jinx is over so I’m trying this again. I will do anything to win. Karma, luck, drinking a unicorn-leprechaun smoothie, ANYthing. I saw a homeless lady on the way home today, so I gave her a dollar. And no, it wasn’t because she was in a G-string. I came home and told my wife. She said, “So you gave a dollar to a homeless woman so that the Caps would win, not that you’d have a healthy baby.” Waitress, tonight I’ll have the back-breaking Caps loss with a side order of guilt please! Thanks, honey!
6:40 – Since I didn’t have a chance to go off on the Montreal fans after they booed the National Anthem, let me begin there. First off, who the fuck is Canada to boo another country?
Nobody gives a shit about Canada!
6:46 – I mean, honestly. Now I’m getting mad. What has Canada given the world that we can’t get somewhere else? Maple syrup? Vermont. Moose? Alaska. Queer hippies? France. Shitty hockey teams with even more cum-worshipping names than the Habitants? Atlanta Thrashers. Done. We took your Expos bitches, now we’re coming to take your hairy-armpitted women.
6:50 – Be back after the puck drops.
7:00 – Here we go. I love when Jack Bauer introduces the NHL playoffs. FYI, with wordpress.com, which is what this is built on, you can see which search terms people have used to successfully find you. I only have one that has happened so far in the young history of this blog. “Bull seals shagging.” I should win some kind of a prize for that.
7:15 – Ugh. It looks like Halak’s swollen labia are stopping all the pucks tonight.
7:26 – GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!!!! Can we ever score the first fucking goal?!?! I HATE THESE FRENCH SNAIL EATING ASSHATS!!!! SURRENDER!
7:28 – We need to drop the fucking gloves. This is a joke. They’ll piss their panties if we do.
7:31 – JFC. The blog is a jinx!!!!! Bye!
7:43 – fuck it. This is beyond any jinx. 5-3 and nothing. What a bunch of pussies. Shoot on the power play you assholes! Instead, you practice being a power bottom!!! Goat-fuck me with a chainsaw!!!!
7:48 – I literally have not been this mad about a Caps game ever. Not even close. Not even after Game 7 against the Pens last year. Right now, I would rather be watching that on a loop.
8:08 – We look like deer in the headlights. If the deer was dead, wearing a pink skirt and had crapped the said skirt.
8:09 – A penalty on Montreal?!?!? WHAAATTTTT?!?!??!? 
8:16 – How in the fuck can you beat a team when their goalie is on fire like that?
8:26 – That last penalty on Mike Green was utter bullshit. The ghost of fucking Billy Mays couldn’t sell that line of bullshit to Chris Burke if he was hammered drunk on absinthe. Are you kidding me? The fucking ref tripped that French ballerina, not Mike Green! AHJAHHAHHFHAHHHHHFHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8:44 – This is like a Redskins game. You play like crap the whole game. When you get a chance to score, finally, the other team makes an amazing play to stop you. You know that you have no chance to win, but it’s close enough to not let you turn off the TV. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. I am going to take up knitting. That’s my new favorite sport. Let’s go Connecticut Cross-Stichers!!!
8:53 – I would rather comb the Geico cavenman’s pubes for lice than watch these French Canadian fans cheer anymore tonight.
8:54 – FYI, I figured out how I got fat. My Sports Teams —> Rage —> Drinking —> Eating —> Feel Bad About Eating 40 tacos —> More Drinking —> Eating (Repeat until game is over.)
9:01 – Well my fellow rageaholics, time to dig in. I hope for the best. I’ll see you in Game 1 or Game 7….
Mike's Sports Rage 