5:48 – Here I sit on the train home from Downtown Boston, along with apparently an NIH study group of SARS patients, thinking about how in the hell we got here.
This sucks. How does a bunch of French fried purveyors of gloryholes take us to Game 7?!? We must have pre-ordered this batch of suck from China and allowed 3-4 months for delivery. The last game was infuriating to say the least.
I honestly don’t see a way out of this. DC sports teams either suck or choke. Its a tradition, like pulling that fat fuck of a groundhog out of its hole each winter. If we win tonight, all tradition would be lost. I can’t even think of an equivalent.
Using the Groundhog Day analogy, us winning would be like the town mayor reaching into the hole and pulling out, not an obese rodent, but instead a barrell of Loch Ness monster assholes and then fucking them one by one. I can’t fathom what it would be like to win this game, because it is impossible.
Ever try to wrap your head around creation or how to open one of those plastic cases that electronics come in? That is the same thing that happens to me when I picture us winning Game 7 tonight. Its fucking impossible to picture.
If we do win, I may jog over to the Mass Pike and give a traffic camera a Roman Helmet.
More later…
7:46 – End of the first. As I expected, the ass kicking has begun. First off, we could be shooting protons at Halak and he would stop them. Now that they have scored, it is game over.
Second, Mike Green most definitely goes to Melwood. What a fucking moron. He is the Antwan Randle-El of the Caps, the Grievous Vasquez. Great on paper and dogshit in reality. Not even dogshit. The left over hemmorhoid scrapings from a dog rectum that ends up in dogshit.
Why the fuck do I watch sports? Please fucking tell me. DC ain’t won shit since 1992. Why don’t I fucking learn?
Fuck this team, fuck sports. I could root for a team made up of Jesus, Buddha, Vishnu, Confuscious, and Iron Man and they would still lose to the Sioux City Suzies.
Teabag me with a homeless man’s sac!!!!!!!
8:40 – Well, as I said three hours ago, nothing would be more surprising to me than us winning this game. It makes me want to puke that I have to watch this game on Versus. Shocker, it is owned by Comcast…..oh, sorry XXXTTREEME Infinity or whatever they are called now. Their announcers? Awful. I would rather hear this:
And, thank GOD that they are letting me know about the useless, shit-smearing Versus Hockey App on the iPhone. Especially when their ad that takes up 40% of my screen is shown DURING live action. HEY, how about, instead of listening to ad advice from a Japanese bukakke porn star, you just show the ACTUAL FUCKING GAME!!!! I HATE VERSUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No more if. We are NOT coming back from this. Nice season. At least we have the President’s Trophy! THUMBS UP……our DICKHOLES!!!
9:11 – If they rule this a goal after disallowing ours, I pity the firefighters of Newton.
9:41 – F Detroit. F Cleveland. No city has more heartbreaking losses than DC area teams. Let’s just start with this year. Look at the debacles so far this year: 1) I hate the NBA, but Gilbert Arenas (whilst sucking hard) brings a gun to the Verizon Center and gets into a fight. 2) The Maryland Terps, down 16 in the tournament, comes back only to lose on a buzzer beater. 3) The Caps, by far and away the most dominant team in the NHL, is owned by a bunch of French midgets in the first round of the playoffs, with Game 7 being decided by a phantom “in the crease” call by the referees.
9:48 – Sigh. Well, the next time you see this blog active, I’ll be a dad and I’ll be watching the US Men’s National Team lose 18-2 in every one of their World Cup games. Until next time America…..
Mike's Sports Rage 
Mike, you gotta add the Caps to your headline pic now. Right?
PS – Thanks for the laughs. I LOL’d @ work. Miss that classic Corky wit!
I had to look up Roman Helmet. Never heard of that one.
The World Cup? I only have 3 words to say about the world cup.
Soccer, who cares?